A while ago, I planned a tea at the Ritz, which led me to their site to find good directions and then I started ogling the rooms. Is my life up to snuff?
| The Ritz | My Apt |
| Wireless Internet access | In every room, baby! |
| Built-in electrical outlets and Broadband connections on guestroom desktops | Not sure what they’re talking about- CAT5? And what are outlets that aren’t built-in? |
| 32-inch high-definition, LCD flat-panel televisions with dual speakers and DVD/CD player | Yes, but built-in speakers. |
| Two-line speakerphone with dataports and voicemail | 1/2 point – 1-line, no speakerphone, but voicemail |
| Electronic in-room laptop safe | No, I camouflage it in my bookshelf. Shhhhhh. |
| Feather beds, down comforter with duvet | OK what’s a comforter without a duvet, in a hotel room? That’s gross. I have both, natch. |
| 400-thread-count, 100% combed cotton Frette linens | Dress me in designer sheets, I never get enough. I’m Ikea. Ouch. |
| Fully stocked honor bar with refrigerator | Not so fully stocked, more like, whatever people have brought over and has not been drunk yet… |
| Plush terry bathrobes | Do t-shirts and fleece work? |
| Lodgenet pay-per-view movies | iTunes and FilmYard (requires short walk)… I get maybe half a point here. |
| Compact disk player/clock with AM/FM radio and alarm | People still listen to CDs? |
| Hairdryer | Yep (what hotel doesn’t have a hair dryer?) |
| Italian marble bathrooms with double sinks, telephone, separate water closet and Bulgari amenities | They had me at “Italian marble”. |
| I Ritz-Carlton logo umbrellas | No, but I do have a lot of schwag, and no longer seek more schwag. |
| Full-size ironing board and iron | Yes! And yet I never iron… |
| Business center | fax/printer dohickey |
| Same day valet service | I have same HOUR valet service- washer and drier en route to bedroom. No magic fairies to do the laundry though (note: must have children some day). |
| 24-hour in-room dining with menu changing monthly | Due to mold, my food does change monthly in my refrigerator, 24 hours a day. |
| Valet parking | Self-parking, baby. |
| Multi-lingual staff | I’m multi-lingual, and I work here… and I am a company of one! |
| On-property car rental | Nope |
| Signature shop | Nope, but this goes in the “who cares” category (along with this post?) |
| Complimentary overnight shoeshine | Nope, yet another “don’t care” category. |
| 24-hour personal wake-up service | Nope- this would indeed rock, especially if it’s someone I can ramble on about my I can sleep in, and they can excuse me nicely so I go back to sleep with a clear conscience. |
| Cellular phones available for rental | Nope. |
| Hanson Gallery | Don’t know the significance of this… |
| Child care | Nope… “don’t care” category. |
| USA Today delivered daily to guest room | Who reads this paper? |
| Complimentary Wall Street Journal | If I steal my neighbor’s… |