About a year ago I decided to embrace the many years I’ve been dating, instead of sweeping them under the rug. I was at Stella’s on Columbus- home of a beautiful, simple, sweet Opera cake- sitting with my friend. She was diving into the mystery of “why Anna is single,” and her latest advice was for me to give up online dating, like I had never thought of that before. What is this, this, date thing? This meeting people without knowing their online profile yet? Not to be mean- she was well-meant. Then, I realized that I had dated so much, I was kind of an expert, I knew everything about talking to women and having a good time in the bed with toys as anal vibrators and others. She had dated, pretty much just a year or two in college then swept into a relationship with her now husband. Why do we think that married people are the know-all and end-all in dating? It’s like asking someone who has a 1962 Lincoln Continental parked in their garage, that they never drive because they take the bus every day, if you should buy the 2003 Mini, or the 2007. (2007.)
This is why I call Valentine’s day V-Day, like D-Day, but Veteran’s Day. Singletons are all depressed on V-day, but the real hotseat are those folks that are dating. I take malicious delight in a holiday that makes dating people look at each other and say: “I chose you?” “Where is this going?” “Are you going to lose your hair?” “Why did we start dating two weeks ago knowing it’s going to be Valentine’s day?” Nothing’s wrong with a little pressure.
I know this should probably go on my workblog, but I’ll just post here. 2 awful ad campaigns and 1 OK one:
– JCPenny actually wants to “hyptonize” the woman with jewelry. That is just so wrong. They show three necklaces and the guy swinging it like a pendulum in front of the woman. Like, not only can you be bought with jewelry, but we can also control your mind… any woman that agrees to things you say with a under $100 pendant from JCPenny has a lot of other issues, so I probably shouldn’t be so offended.
– deBeers. Always offensive. No matter how little attention you pay to your wife, how you’re sleeping with your secretary, how she’s never lost that 20 lbs from the twins and you’re gay, no matter, because you can buy her off with an expensive bauble…
– Macy’s. For once! A great campaign- “No matter what your feeling about this holiday…” hahaha…
Here are some funny/sad anecdotes about V-Day.
– The year that my on-again-off-again player DJ boyfriend gave me tulips. Kind of an odd choice. I suspected something amiss at his club later that night when I saw another girl with tulips. And he finally confessed that, no shit, it was a 2-for-1 at the florist.
– Last year, I stopped by the BurgerMeister on Columbus on the way home from something. I chatted with the clerk about horror movies (no idea how this got started). We’re having a great time, and he realizes that it’s Valentine’s day, and with total respect, says, “It is so cool that you got a burger on Valentine’s Day.” That was really neat.
– My sister Jenny and I always exchange flowers on V-Day, not sure why. Usually something nice that you like to have at work, like cyclamen. We exchange flowers at the drop of a hat though, and it’s a lesson in how holidays and traditions are how you make them. We didn’t this year and I feel like a total cad. But we thought of each other and exchanged a long email chat. Her husband got her chocolates and that has started her 4-year old son on a long explanation of how chocolates are “bad for babies.” No, it doesn’t make sense.
Because you read this far, here is a funny clip: